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One statistic shows that
over 80% of all buying decisions are emotional. That means your
copywriting should be, too. This is something I firmly believe in
and have preached for most of my copywriting career. However, all
too often, I find people skipping the vital step of making an emotional
connection with their customers. That can be a tragic, and costly,
That’s why I was
excited when I had the opportunity to rewrite the homepage copy
for a vacation cruise service. While the copy they used previously
gave all the details and got them a good number of bookings, it
just didn’t have what it takes to make me start daydreaming
about my next cruise. It didn’t… but it was about to!
copy on the Cruise Vacation Center home page faced a couple of challenges.
(You can view the original copy at this link: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/CruiseVacationCenter-Original.pdf.)
The copy was very company-oriented instead of customer-oriented.
It talked about who Cruise Vacation Center (CVC) is, why the visitor
should buy from them, and some wonderful benefits CVC offers its
clients including excellent bargain rates and extra discounts. However,
all the verbiage was geared toward the company. The customer was
The home page copy also
lacked emotion. It was very matter-of-fact. In addition to making
visitors aware of the wonderful prices and deals CVC offered, I
wanted to create a vision for the site visitors. I wanted to give
them what they needed in order to float off into a daydream about
fabulous ports-of-call; warm, gentle breezes; and thrilling adventures.
While I was painting
a picture of the vacation of a lifetime, I also had to be sure to
include a vital fact. CVC’s business plan was set up to be
most affordable for the customer when s/he booked online. Without
sounding rude, I had to do everything in my power to get the site
visitor to book their cruise vacation while at the site. This was
an extremely important issue and a point that needed to be woven
throughout the copy.
Lastly, the page had
to uphold Cruise Vacation Center’s excellent search engine
rankings. They were ranked at the top of several major engines,
and the rewritten copy couldn’t jeopardize their positioning.
The first step was, without
question, to woo the site visitors with delightful fantasies about
their next vacation. My goal was to conjure up all sorts of visions
in the minds of Cruise Vacation Center’s visitors. I wanted
the visitors to be dreaming of exotic places with lots of fun things
to do, interesting sights to see, and 24/7 access to gourmet meals
that rival any five-star restaurant. I wanted their blood pressure
to drop 10 points just from reading about the onboard staff of hundreds
who would pamper them with VIP treatment. After reading this copy,
I wanted them ready to leave on vacation today! However, I also
had to persuade them to book online rather than calling CVC’s
During the rewrite, I
had to carefully plan the use of their primary keyphrase, “cruise
vacation,” so as not to disrupt their most reliable source
of business… the search engines. After all, there is a delicate
balance between pleasing the search engines and appealing to site
If I leaned too much
toward the search engine side of the equation, the conversion ratio
of the home page would suffer. In other words, Cruise Vacation Center
would get lots of visitors, but few of them would book cruises.
If I leaned too much
toward the customer side of the equation, CVC’s rankings would
plummet, and they would need to find a new way to drive qualified
traffic to their site. As is normally the case with SEO copywriting,
balance was going to be vital.
In the conclusion
to this two-part series, you’ll see how I handled the rewrite
and what the end results of all the work were. Curious to see the
new copy? You’ll find it on CVC’s site: You can see
the new copy on CVC’s site at http://www.cruisevacationcenter.com.
Copy not getting
results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and
your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com.
Be sure to check out Karon’s latest e-report “How To
Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your
Copy)” at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.
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