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In Part 1 of
this article series (found here: http://www.marketingwords.com/articles/articles_copymakeover_facts1-11507.html)
we discovered the challenge faced by the copy of Julie's Jewels
Moissanite page. The original copy (found here:
was too factual for visitors to relate to effectively. I outlined
the problems and the proposed solutions. Let's continue as I show
you the rewrite and the results.
about Moissanite jewelry was a primary goal during the rewrite.
These stones needed to be positioned above other manmade gems such
as cubic zirconia. Their special qualities had to be brought to
light while also evoking emotions that are associated with buying
something rare, exclusive and truly exceptional.
I chose words
and phrases including "spoiled for anything else," "alluring"
also needed to be conveyed -- but without discounting the perceived
and actual value of the stone. To accomplish this, I included mentions
of how affordable Moissanite stones are along with verbiage describing
the clarity, quality and excellence of these jewels.
You can view
the revised copy (PDF) here:
Julie's Jewels faces some stiff competition from national retailers
and other sites that carry Moissanite. There was really only one
main phrase the page needed to be optimized for. The challenge with
that, however, was using the term enough to make an impact with
the engines, but not so much as to sound odd because of too much
A huge change
took place with the headline. The original headline was created
with no appeal to the site visitor. Likely used strictly for navigation
and search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, it merely listed
the name of the page. The use of the simple term "Moissanite
Jewelry" was replaced with a headline that clearly stated the
primary benefit of this product:
Jewelry Offers Affordable Luxury"
copy used an opening paragraph that skipped from one topic to another.
Beginning with information about Moissanite being created from minerals
in a lab then jumping to the fact that this type of jewelry was
available at wholesale prices, it needed some help in capturing
and retaining the attention of the visitor.
In an effort
to create a visual image for the site visitor, the new copy begins
you experience the wonder of Moissanite jewelry, you'll be spoiled
for anything else. This alluring stone has the brilliance and
sparkle of a diamond, yet it is affordable on practically any
budget. Moissanite is the hardest and most dazzling stone, second
only to a diamond."
is a category page on Julie's ecommerce site, photographs of Moissanite
jewels in different settings are shown along with links to the associated
pages. The original copy stopped there. With the new copy, I added
brief descriptions underneath each image. This accomplished two
1) It allowed
me to entice the visitor to click through to the page using both
words and visuals.
2) It gave us additional opportunities to use Julie's keyphrase
without sounding overpowering.
What was the
outcome of this makeover? I'll let Julie tell you herself.
on the 2nd and 3rd page of SERPs for this category. Now, I'm on
page #1! The Moissanite page is now the 3rd highest entry page for
the site. This page is the parent category for six sub-categories.
Those sub-categories have seen nice jumps in traffic as opposed
to a year ago (prior to copy rewrite). This not only helps the main
category but sub-categories as well. I'm also getting double the
contacts about Moissanite as a result of increased visitors on the
Moissanite jewelry page."
Before you start
listing facts and figures in your copy, take a little time to research
how consumers buy that particular product. Because people don't
react the same ways to every product or service, jumping to conclusions
about how they buy can be a dangerous practice that's best avoided.
Copy not getting
results? Learn to write SEO and online
copywriting that impresses the engines and your visitors with
Course. Be sure to also check out Karon's report "How To
Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your
Copy)" at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.
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