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1 of this series, you were introduced to Provider Watch, a company
whose site copy was a bit confusing. (You can see the original copy
While they had a wonderful understanding of their target audience
and they had absolutely made an emotional connection, the copy lacked
a push toward action on the visitor's part. It also needed a boost
in the search engine rankings. After outlining the problems, I set
about rewriting the home page.
Deadbeat daycare parents don't want you to know about this website!"
"The Provider Watch "No Regrets" Risk Management
System contains over $615,654 in unpaid daycare debt, and that
number grows daily!"
"There are a growing number of parents who simply steal childcare
services by refusing to pay."
I wanted to
make that much more clear and also plainly deliver a major benefit
to daycare providers so I changed the headline to:
Out If Parents Are Bad Payment Risks
BEFORE You Accept Them As Customers
That spoke loudly
to providers who had been burned one time too many. It let them
know immediately that this was a site that offered help in the way
over the body content, there were two things Provider Watch included
in the original copy that I wanted to keep. These were the testimonials
and some pretty terrific factoids pulled from a survey they conducted.
The testimonials would, obviously, add credibility and trust. The
factoids would verify that there was a need for this service and,
hopefully, add some shock value with a splash of "Oh my gosh!"
accomplish this, the testimonials were left in their original position
- rotating via a Java app in the upper right-hand corner of the
banner graphic. The factoids, however, were extracted from within
the body text and given their own position in a newly created sidebar
on the right side of the page. This would help them stand out and
The next challenge
was to outline what services are provided, then clearly point out
benefits of these services to the site visitor. At the same time,
I was keeping an eye open for opportunities to include keyphrases
within the natural flow of the copy.
what was available from Provider Watch in the body content, I took
it one step further by constructing a bullet list of what was included
in both the free membership and the paid membership. I also gave
them a method for getting more information and for signing up for
whichever membership level met their needs.
home page was made to be much more simple, clear and concise with
an unmistakable path that the site visitor could follow from introduction
to purchase. You can view the new copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/providerwatch-after.pdf.
So what happened?
Did it work? Did it ever! Provider Watch has seen a:
- 52% increase
in unique visitors to the site
- 22% increase
in overall sign-ups
- 86% increase
in paid subscribers
- Steady increase
in phone traffic
had this to say about the copy changes: " I can’t say
I was skeptical, but I was nervous about hiring a copywriter for
the first time. I was hopeful, but also wasn’t expecting any
miracles. The results have far exceeded my expectations. To see
these kinds of improvements in such a short amount of time is very
Copy not getting
results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and
your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com.
Be sure to also check out Karon’s latest e-report “Writing With Keywords” at http://www.writingwithkeywords.com.
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